My Voice

Sleepy Head

2011-01-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

I know this might sound weird and probably even shocking. I am not capable of waking up on time by myself. For the past 21 years, my parents have had to cajole me into waking up and now they are sick and tired of this. They feel that I should be able to wake up by myself without their help, which I agree to whole-heartedly. But, boy, easier said than done! I seriously wish I was one of those who wakes up at 5 am and goes for a workout and utilize the morning hours well. But, sadly, my average time is 10.30 am. Trust me, alarms have failed miserably and I wish hand phones do not have the snooze button!! So, now I am going to discipline myself and ensure that I have an early start!! I need this desperately and thus, waking up early will be my 2o11's first resolution!

ta-da

2010-12-17T16:01:00.003+08:00

Well, my presence in my own blog is a bit like 'now I am here and now I am not'. Somehow, saying I was so busy with life and was unable to blog sounds like a really pathetic excuse. Truth is, I was just not itching to write. But lately, it's been bugging me. I want to write, there seems to be so many stories crowding my head.

Actually, two days ago I was unable to sleep. Amidst my serious attempt of falling asleep, I was thinking about kids who are not privileged enough to sleep in their own beds. Well, unknown to many of us, there are kids out there roaming our streets. No shelter from rain or any other danger. The issue is that nothing is being done to keep these kids safe because most of them do not have any identity. Thus, they do not fall under any constituency. majority of them are refugees. These kids are stranded when their parents (illegal immigrants) are caught and deported to their respective countries. Very little is being done to address this issue. Of course there are organisations who do as much as they can like Nur Salam but they cannot save all the children. Sadly, many of them waste away in the web of drug abuse, child prostitution and trafficking; such a vicious cycle.

We are all so cheery with the feeling of Christmas but lets not forget that the real joy of Christmas is in giving to the needy. So, think about it...what will your share be?

Pain

2010-01-18T01:39:00.002+08:00

I have always been the kind of girl who say it as it is. I do not really give it a thought as to how whatever I say would mean to the other person. I am not mean, but I am quick to point out when people cross their line. I voluntarily choose to be direct as opposed to being a hypocrite.

This has made everyone believe that I am very open about my feeling. That is far from the truth. I am one of those who carry my loved ones secrets, weaknesses and pain they inflict inside. I can never find words to express my pain or disappointments. I may pick fight on petty things but when it comes to those serious issue, I coil up in fear. I do not want to lose those I hold close to my heart. It is bad enough that I don't trust easily.

As years went by, I became good at putting on a "I don't care" look. I am good at pretending that I'm okay. It keeps me sane. Again now, those fears are back. They are hurting me, especially those closest to me. How can I ever tell you...to let me go? I want to sleep a good night's sleep without worrying. I want to believe in life's magic; those special moments.

Wit has a major sex appeal

2010-01-16T23:20:00.002+08:00

Last Wednesday, I was in Mid Valley with one of my best friends, Sree. For the first time, we caught two movies back to back. I think I am never going to go to the cinema for one movie ... ever. Greed has got to be my sin. We were so unsure of what to watch, there was so many options. Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, Imaginarium, Paranormal Activities ....3 idiots (i'll stop right here). Finally after brainstorming for a while, we decided on Avatar and Sherlock Holmes. Thank God for that!!!!

Sherlock Holmes was reeking with wit. I loved both Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law. I am in a major love mode with Robert Downey Jr. He looked so carelessly handsome (I am having palpitation thinking about him) and was so witty. I could live watching that show. What's is so appealing about men like this...and why can we not have real men who are fabulously witty and intelligent. Now, getting back to the movie, I think Guy Ritchie did a wonderful job with Sherlock Holmes. It could probably get into my Top 5 movies of all time. For those who have not watched it, it is worth every penny. The movie probably has a "satisfaction guaranteed" seal to it.

As for Avatar, a must watch movie as well. The graphics were crazy. The movie had very strong social sentiments. There was this particular part where the humans were destroying the aborigines homes and were waging a war. It was heart breaking. I thought of all the real wars of today. That moment totally hit a chord with me...war is wrong. Those affected with the war now... we owe them. Many are carrying the burden of crime on humanity. Go watch the movie, you will have a better appreciation to everything that's happening around you.

Planner

2010-01-11T01:07:00.004+08:00

One of my new year resolution for the past few years has been to get organised. I really wanted the power that comes from having a schedule. Being able to plan each day would absolutely allow me to get things done. It is said that if you write the things down, well you obviously would not forget and that would get you going (something about being more committed to your plan...). Ignoring the part about religiously following it, there was always another problem that I encountered. Buying a planner. I know that it sounds absolutely ridiculous but I have not managed to find any planner that suits whatever I had in mind.

Most planner would have monthly schedule chart, then dated areas to jot down tasks/appointments and some blank pages for notes. Alternatively, I have also purchased a single line planner with no guidance whatsoever. I somehow alway end up being somehow dissatisfied with my whichever planner that I buy. I would probably use it for a while then....the planner does a vanishing act.

This might prompt many to remind me that..."the rest of the world uses this type of planner"!!!

However, this time around...I decided to create my own planner. It really was an exciting experience. I could absolutely incorporate all that is me and have the free hand to do all I want. I now have a section that deals with my daily plans, my finance and my weight progress. Before,I never really could fit in everything I want in an off-the-shelf planner. Moreover, I also managed to put in my favorite quotations and all.

I am really....really happy with my effort. It really paid off cause I am now excited in leading a life that has a direction. It's a good start...I'd say!!!

below is a page from my planner:

Happier in 2010

"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." ~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

1. Be your own BFF (best friend forever). Enjoy your own company. Embrace everything about you! Without a doubt, it's the most important step towards being a happy person.

2. Smile, giggle, snicker, or chuckle! Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, which instantaneously gives your mood a lift.

3. Dream big in every area of life. Set your life in motion and manifest your heart's desire.

4. Shut the doors and the windows tight! And then put on your favorite song and sing out loud. Let it rip!

5. Cook a healthy, delicious meal. Serve it up pretty and savor the flavor, one bite at a time.

6. Expect a miracle. Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to shower happy blessings on you.

7. Meditate, pray and chant. Research shows that people who are spiritual tend to be happier and healthier than those who are not.

8. Pull up your best pair of warm socks. Wiggle your toes and enjoy a cozy kind of bliss.

9. Sleep baby sleep. Seven or eight hours each night should increase your energy and decrease your moodiness.

10. Count your blessings daily. Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours.

11. Wake up early! Start the day off on a happy foot, with a happy thought. The morning hours are full of spiritual energy and prana (life force).

12. Let the sun shine in. 20 minutes of sunlight per day improves mood and wards of Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD)..

14. Say "Good Job!" Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities.
15. Happiness is contagious! Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values, your goals and dreams

My Lack of Life

2010-01-06T22:53:00.003+08:00

College starts tomorrow. I am least enthusiastic about it...especially the reality of facing Corporate Reporting. The thought of it makes my toes curl and chills my blood. I am so not looking forward to this paper. But, I should by right throw away this negativity and look at the bright side of it (........reeeeallly cannot think of anything). Well, no matter what I still have to get through the paper and my tutor's absolutely dry humor (unable to determine which is more dreadful).

I am also rather disappointed in my lack of initiative to make proper plan and watch avatar, sherlock holmes, kurbaan and 3 idiots. I seriously need to get a life (i am the nerd minus the glasses). I so promise my self that I am going to watch all these movies by next Wednesday even if it kills me!!! Well, I am off to make preparation for tomorrow

New Start

2010-01-02T00:49:00.002+08:00

I am going to give another shot at maintaining my blog. I have so many things to write about yet can never find the discipline to sit and type it out. This time around, i intend to make a serious effort to write more regularly.

Well, happy new year!!!! I am now reaching 21...it seems like I just finished high school. It was really special to celebrate the new year with all of them during the eve. We all seemed older, living in many corners of the world yet are still connected over memories crafted in high school. Thanks guys for such amazing night!!!!

Humbling Experience

2009-05-23T00:29:00.005+08:00

There was a time, when men were kind
And their voices were soft
And their words were inviting
There was a time, when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting.... (Les Miserables - I Dreamed A Dream)

There are times in our lives where the ego in each and every one of us blinds us from seeing the beauty and the gift in another person. In the pursuit of achieving the pinnacle of glory, the tend to brush off or sometimes break another person; with or without realising that they could possibly have the talent to achieve greatness. Then, if you are lucky...you might be able to come across someone like Susan Boyle (the fame from Britain's Got Talent) either in person or through the pc and have a humbling experience. When I saw her walking out on that stage in front of the likes of Simon and Piers, I kind of thought to myself...why is she trying to make a fool out of herself. She proved every cynic wrong...We saw Susan Boyle because she was courageous enough to ignore all the "she is going to fail vibes" from the audiences.

What about all the others who never got to shine simply because someone else thought that they had nothing in them? When I think about the time when i told my sister her poem sucked just because I was to egoistical to validate her...it makes me guilty that she may never try to write again. I know that she seeked my approval yet I brushed away her attempt. This is one of many instances when my ego gets the better of me...maybe it's pure cynicism.

I think it is truly humbling for us as a being to be able to stand with someone and help them achieve. It could possibly be the missing link to having fulfillment and happiness. I take this as an experience and a well learned lesson. Till this day, I still watch the Susan Boyle video in order keep my ego in it's place...because you never know when you could make someone shine.

Marius
I am lost


Cosette
   I am found!

Marius
   A heart full of light

Cosette
   A night bright as day   (Les Miserables)

Cold, Hard Reality

2009-05-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

I took this quiz in Facebook about my accounting ability and boy, the result was mind-boggling!! It said YOU CAN'T BE AN ACCOUNTANT : you dont even know the different between debit and credit!!! This is a joke especially after atmost a year and a half of killing myself with ACCA (well i did not study that hard..but just to emphasise the matter here!!). What am to do now? Pack up and go hiking?

Another Shot...

2009-04-16T14:15:00.005+08:00

Well, I know that I said I would update my blog regularly a really long time ago but guess what....I became really lazy. Now, I am not going to make a promise but I am going to try harder. Let me recap my life for the past few months. I passed my F4 to F6. Now current killing myself with F7 to F9. God....I really need your help to brave this term and come out alive. ACCA is proving to be slightly challenging. Besides that, I also joined the STAR-ESUM 2009 Public Speaking Competition this year. Made it to the finals AGAIN but did not manage to win. Well, as usual Victor and Ms Umah were fabulous and I met a lot of amazing participants. It was nice that Sebastian and Didi won. All in all, it was a rather exciting experience. Anyway, I intend to post more often and be a regular.

2009

2009-01-14T21:24:00.002+08:00

Year in, year out we set many resolutions for ourselves. Some are rather ordinary, the other are pretty ambicious. I would know as this has been something I never miss on the first day when a new year begans. Yet, many of those resolutions remain unachieved like seriously losing weight or changing to be a better individual. When I set a goal for the year, I would work for it enthusiastically in the beginning. Sadly, the entusiasm just wilts away. For this, I blame myself entirely.

However, this year I did not make it a point to sit and write down any resolutions whatsoever. I pretty much welcomed 2009 doing nothing. No doubt there are certain things that I should be doing this year but I kind of realised that I want 2009 to be a year where I can mould my life to be mine with all my imperfection instead of living perfectly to everyone's idea of a good life. So bring it on 2009.

As I reflect on year 2008, I feel blessed. All the good and bad experiences had made me grow an inch more. Overall, I am happy.

My Excuse...

2009-01-13T21:28:00.003+08:00

Exams were merely an excuse for not blogging. I have practically been online yet somehow my mind just turns off to the idea of blogging. I have been wanting to share my opnion on the US election, our very own politics, christmas, Gaza issue and a million others. Yet, time just drifted away and I pushed it away. Well that will not be an issue anymore because I AM BACK!!

This is so Nonsensical...

2008-10-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

At a time when all our politicians...'aka comedians' are busy providing the Malaysian citizens with the silly jokes of the century, along comes another greater joke. The Melaka Government wants to give Shah Rukh Khan (SRK) Datukship. No offence to SRK as I am a ardent fan of the Bollywood star since like forover. Believe it or not, I have not missed even a single movie since I became a DIE - HARD fan. But seriously what did SRK do to Melaka? I never really thought him looking GORGEOUS... Soo Apppealing in silverscreen and for being a heartthrob of many Malaysians could earn him Datukship. Even if he is a foreign star who did not do much. If the reason is because SRK promoted Melaka through his movies, then go on. But, the Yang Dipertua should also grant me Datukship as I have also told my friends and relatives from overseas about Melaka. Many took my word and visited the state. So, when will I get the invitation? This could actually be the one opportunity for me to meet SRK.....

Datuk Jamuuna...not bad (although makes me sound ancient)

Selamat Hari Raya

2008-10-03T00:26:00.002+08:00

After a month of fasting (not me), finally Hari Raya has arrived. So, Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims and to all Malaysians. Now, I am going to celebrate this Aidilfitri with friends and neighbours. My mind has already drifted to all the mouth- watering dishes. Ciao folks...I have a craving to fulfill.

Thank You Guys

2008-09-26T15:42:00.005+08:00

My Birthday Cake!!

I know that this is a little too late but I would like to thanks everyone for all the presents and birthday wishes. I loved them all. You guys are the BOMB!!!

My Own Pride

2008-09-09T12:41:00.004+08:00

I have been intending to update my blog about the past few weeks. I had a lot of things to write about. Dad's birthday, certain events and my college life. Now, I do not even want to think about anything. I screwed up big time!!

My lecturer gave us a three hour exam paper to try at home. It was on Sunday after a six hours class and the deadline was the next day. I reached home so late and was practically dead tired. So I went to bed. The next day, I started doing the paper when my friend called. We decided to meet up in college. Let's just say we discussed the exam paper.

When my lecturer got to know about it, he cancelled the whole test series for the whole class because of four of us. Throughout the whole class none of us could focus on the lesson. We were just too guilty. He was right when he said we were dishonest and full of ego. We did not want to hand-in a paper which showed our weaknesses. Personally, I did not want to disappoint with a very badly done paper. The whole class suffered because of us. I guess he hit the right notes when he said, 'Will you be able to live with yourself if you fail or if others fail because of you?'

The saddest part was probably that he was an amazing teacher. He supported us all this while. Yesterday, he said we are no more his students. We have just lost a dedicated teacher, an amazing mentor and a gem of a man.

Results!!!

2008-08-22T01:49:00.002+08:00

I finally got my CAT (Advanced Level) results last Monday. Although my marks were in the 80's or upper 70's, I still feel very dissatified with my overall performance for the last four papers. My utmost disappointment was for my Taxation which I hope to score around 90+. The result ended up being merely 84. I felt like the time I put in did not pay off. But thank God, I managed to maintain my average mark in the 80's.

Now I can continue to ACCA Part 2 alongside most of my friends. I was really happy that all of us made it without failing any papers. Sadly, Bobo got stuck in Paper 5.

Somehow, I am still not satisfied at all. I should have scored better for all my papers. My friends just hate it when I complain about my results. They tell me to be grateful for what I got. Sadly, I am a little ambitious...I guess. Not really planning change attitude though...

I just hope that this will spur me to do better in my future papers as ACCA may not be that easy.

Do I have the courage?

2008-08-08T14:12:00.007+08:00

One of Oprah's episodes prompted me to write about forgiveness. It was about people who confronted the killers of their loved ones in order to get some sort of closure, they have lost their father, mother and family members. All of them shared a common thought that they had to forgive in order to move on. I personally envy their strength to be able to face their darkest fear and bring their life back to perspective. In my eyes, they are courageous.

All this made me think about my life. How forgiving am I?

There were many who have said hurtful things about me and my family. Some have gone a step further to act in very hurtful manner. Have I forgiven them? I might have but I have not forgotten their evil deeds. Will I hurt them back if I am given an option? I probably will and I am not even going to try pretending to be a saint. I sometimes recall these bad memories and end up getting really upset and angry. I really want them to rot in some deep hole.

The anger and hatred should have been gratifying. Ironically, it makes me feel downright worthless. It hurts me to hate these hypocrites. Every time I want to curse them to eternal doom (literally), I back off simply because it does not feel right. As to whether I have forgiven them, I have not, not yet. They will be part of garbage which I will carry till I find the courage to let go, forgive and move on.

It's a little vain....'smirk...smirk'

2008-07-30T23:37:00.006+08:00

It has been a while since I posted anything...I was busy and lazy all at the same time. So I decided to just write a really small post till tomorrow.
This is a post which is seriously long over-due. I have been seriously pondering whether to post or not. I wrote two articles for The Star, did not want to sound vain but what the helllll...It is quite syok to see your own name as the writer. It was not the headlines but still....I just want to SYOK Sendiri saja !!!!

The best part is probably is that they pay me to do what I really enjoy!!!

That is my second article on what would influence one's career, Money or Passion??
I also had to interview people. 23/7/08

This is my first article on myself which I did not even know was pblished until two weeks later!!
I am really blur...23/6/08

Guilt

2008-07-22T17:46:00.005+08:00

I had a friend who always said " Your words are more powerful than your intentions ". I never truly understood what he meant until yesterday. All this happened somewhere last week. A friend and I said something to this person. When he further asked us where we got to know this, we mentioned the name of a friend(he just told about a rumour which was circulating around). This thing got blown up out of proportion and it escalated to a level where the friend is in trouble. The person we told to took it very seriously and complained to another person who has the position to make decision. My friend now has to leave because of us.

When I heard of it, I was really sad and rather depressed. We did not even mean it and we both do not want our friend to leave. The worst part was the fact that he did not even scold us. I really wish he had. Last night, when three of us were chatting about this issue, he called and told me not to worry. He said they will handle this problem. He actually told us to concentrate on our studies and not to worry about him.

I felt so guilty, I still do. He behaved so graciously that made everything worse. Loyalty has always been one of my best traits, but somehow it feel different now. I am overwhelmed with whirlwind of very depressing thoughts. I never thought something like this would ever happen.
Despite everything, deep down I know that I caused this and I do not know how to make it better. I just wish I knew.

Everyone constantly say that atleast I have learned my lesson but sadly life teaches us lessons the hard way but it never lets us go back and correct it. All this would never change the fact that I have betrayed his trust and might even lose a friend and teacher. He probably would never trust me again, I know I would not if I was in his shoes. Somehow I know that I will carry this guilt for a really long time.

It's Here Again!

2008-07-20T00:26:00.018+08:00

I always feel "Extra Malaysian" around this time every year because of the durian season. Durians or the "king of all fruits" as it is gloriously called is absolutely one of a kind. You either like it or hate. There are no in betweens....lucky me!! I am one those who can really salivate just looking at the thorny durians (yummm.....yummmm).

I remember those days when my grandparents were living in Raub, Pahang. Along the journey, there will be many gerai's selling various local fruits. Funny how all of them are situated in the middle of nowhere. My dad would just stop the car and make the tauke or the abang open the durian there and then. The whole process of opening the thorny outer skin until the gorgeous yellow/ golden pieces appear builts up a feeling of excitement and a huge appetite. As far as I remember, we all fight to be the first one to get the taste of the durian. That is not as embarrassing as the 'hooo and the haaah' sounds we make savouring the taste; echoed by the stall owner's assurance and persuasion to try more. Somehow we succumb to it rather easily. When the moment comes when there is only one piece left....greed truly shines in all our eyes. Believe it or not...we actually fight for it.

After walloping all the pieces, there is always the one last thing to do, a tradition that grew up with us. We use the opened durian skin which has a hole in it (I can't exactly illustrate it that well) as a cup....we drink out of it. The water by the way also comes from the middle of the jungle thus the hygiene factor has to be bypassed. Since we could not 'balik kampung' nowadays...we just have to be satisfied eating the durian around KL. Buy it and eat at home....method. Seriously, it is not that fun as eating in the wild.

As much as one loves durians, these not the type that should be eaten alone. The whole process requires lots of admiring eyes and seduced minds. Try opening a whole durian on your own and eat it all alone...It feels it is rather lonely. The one man show just does not work for durians. Eating a durian truly require a celebration with complete strangers in the middle of nowhere!!! I guess that what makes durians so Malaysian.

The huge pile of spikes....!!

Can you see the sneak peek of yellow-ness....I just cannot wait to get my hands on it (yummmm...)

It took him minutes to open that durian...

My brother...in a serious effort of being all stud-like

That's my sis...keeping to our tradition!!!

You would think she is in heaven...mind you she is not posing! That is exactly how she eats durians...

The Finale!!!!

P/S : I remember watching a show where the guy goes around the world eating all the freak
food like worms, toads and many more totally disgusting stuffs. When he finally came
to Malaysia, he said that the durianis the worst of the lot due to the 'terrible odour'. Can
believe it?? That poor soul thinks monkey brain is better than durians!!

I met RPK!!!

2008-07-15T14:54:00.007+08:00

Hardcore journalism has always intrigued me. I always wondered what makes talented journalists brace dangers and explore forbidden grounds to bring the people and their stories to light. Is it the excitement or simply the courage to do the right thing? Many just walk away from forbidden turfs to avoid getting in trouble. But, there are handful of those who stop, look and make differences. These people stand for the best of journalism.

Sadly, the same thing could not be said about our mainstream media. It fails to disseminate news without biasness. It is sad that a certain level of control and restriction makes it harder for them to be neutral and uphold democracy. So, people who are like-minded as me opt for alternative media like blogs where many issues are discuss in a more liberal manner. It is a no-brainer that Raja Petra is one of the leading blogger.

I like the way his writing reflect a certain sense of honesty which changes people's outlook of life. It is also full of hope for a better Malaysia. Moreover, RPK writes about thing he believes in and does not back-off when things are difficult or almost impossible. Malaysia Today (his blog) is full of stories of that provoke thoughtful thinking and defend the innocent. RPK stands for everything that is good about journalism, report without fear or favour.

Lucky me...I finally met him in the KeADILan talk in Petaling Jaya last Sunday! It was the first time I am attending a political talk....!

Ps: I even got a pic with him..

I guess I am no different...

2008-07-12T00:52:00.004+08:00

I read an article on the topic of homosexuality by Bernama in another blog (Niamah). The opinions from the readers were rather split (no surprise!). Personally, I've always believed that sexual preferences are personal choices as long as it is between two consensual and sound-minded adults. Thus, it is wrong for us to judge them.

As much as I advocate the believe of not being too judgemental, I too sometimes fall in the trap of casting people aside just because they are different. There is a boy in my college (he was in my class last term)...I am not sure of his name. Everyone calls him 'semi-variable' because he appears a little girly. When I first heard that name, I was pretty mad since I thought it was unfair. He probably did not choose to act differently. But, I kept my objection to myself...I did not tell my friends to stop calling him that behind his back. At that point, I ignored the right thing to do and stuck with the crowd.

I did not bother getting to know his name since he was only the "semi-variable". He must have felt hurt when people looked at him differently. Everytime they mock the way he walks or acts...it must have hurt badly. I am not that angry with others for labelling him but I am disappointed with myself for accepting it. I am no saint but I failed to be a mere mortal when I chose to call him semi-variable, when I laughed at jokes made on his expense and when I simply looked at him differently. I know that he will never read this....but yet I feel compelled to say I am sorry.

There are many times when we become too judgemental and for a split moment forget that it could hurt another person.

work....huh!!

2008-07-03T14:53:00.002+08:00

I am blogging from workplace in front of my boss when I am suppose to be working. Cool huh... I just hope he never reads this post. My task is to make cold calls and invite people to an event this Saturday....and until now I have not even got one. How am I suppose to be high spirited when things are not going as I planned???

When reality hits hard!

2008-07-01T21:52:00.003+08:00

Well, 3 weeks of pure pleasure ended yesterday. I agreed to work for two days in Pyro financial Designers. When Arthur called saying he needed someone to make cold calls for an upcoming event, I agreed to do it and besides I was going to get paid. Ithought it would prove to be a good experience. I was absolutely accurate. Every call I made ended in rejection. So, I learned a very valuable lesson, 'ignorance is bliss'.

Besides college is going to start tomorrow. Taxation will be the first paper. I really do not want to go back to college. When I think about crowded buses, being sardined in the LRT, hours of lectures (literally....and that is not mere exaggeration), I just want to sigh and go all demoralised. Seriously, what a way to start the new semester...

I guess nothing good ever last that long.

I am in Love!

2008-06-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

Since exams ended, I have been shutting everything out of my mind. Maybe I should not have....because I just found out from my friend that college starts next wednesday. I can't believe I did not know that. I guess I lost the sense of time and space. Weird though. Anyway, it has been a very important holidays. I learned a lot doing practically nothing. since the hols started, I have been sleeping at nearly 4 or 5pm everyday. I never knew that night could be so silent and peaceful. It's nice to just pick up a book and lose myself in someone else's world. It is absolutely liberating. I have also been experiencing whirlwind of emotions. I sometimes feel so happy....happy here meaning I could feel it everywhere. At those times, everyone seem so perfect despite all their imperfection. Maybe it is love....I have finally learned what it truly means to be in love. well, at least my post sounds happy cause I feel like I am at the top of the world right now. Did you know that you got to see the goodness in you first, it's your responsibility to yourself...someone wise told me that. (although it is a common knowledge)

p.s / I am not particularly in love with anyone...I was talking about life.

I feel like an Idiot!

2008-06-18T01:35:00.004+08:00

Last Sunday was horrible. My very bad mood persisted to the weekend and I kind of lost the spirit of celebrating Father's Day, my first time. I did not bother giving him any gifts or be bothered at all. I was really MAD. As the weekend passed and I regained some sense of composure, I was totally hit by sadness. I missed Father's Day. It's like one of the most important day in a father's life. I so totally screwed that up for him. My dad probably did not take it that seriously but I am sure he would have felt slightly disappointed. I am thinking of ways to compensate. A gift would just not do...I would probably do a card for him.

Well, it's not like he is going to read this but I just cannot help it:

Happy Father's Day appa!!

Just want to let you know that of all the amazing things you have given us, the best will always be your love, courage and the desire to dream for greatness. Thanks

At the edge of sanity!

2008-06-14T01:29:00.003+08:00

These few days has been really volatile. I have been walking at the edge of anger and insanity. Although I have my moments of joy but i have been feeling rather down. My mind is giving in to worries and a sense of helplessness is creeping in. I am looking at things rather pessimistically. People around me are making me tick; i feel like a walking timebomb.

Things became worse today as i could not feel the love or closeness from those whom i care about. My dad has been picking on me and being rather insensitive to things that matter to me. It makes me feel alone and very flawed. Imperfection has to be accepted and appreciated but sometimes unconciously it makes us feel small. I compared myself to others, or those i thought had it better. I miss feeling good about things. It feels like everything's gone out of control.

Back on track...

2008-06-13T00:26:00.003+08:00

Well, finally exams are OVER!!! A relief indeed. i think i did quite well for papers i thought i was gonna have a hard time. Sadly, the papers i thought i could easily score was not that easy after all. Overall, i think i feel quite comfortable with what i did. After 6 months of slogging (well, that's what i like to think i did), i finally went to watch a movie. It's has seriously been really long. Kungfu Panda was so entertaining. i think i laughed through the whole show...really a good movie. Po (the panda) dreams of becoming a kungfu fighter but his physical attributes proves to be a barrier. Besides that, he also has to live with his father's expectation of taking over the noodle business (the father by the way is a duck, i think....panda and duck-biology must have sucked). One day, he is chosen as the Dragon Warrior (it is like the ultimate level of warriorhood). But, of course he is not accepted by all the other kungfu people cause he is fat and has no stamina to save himself. He is chosen to protect the people from Tai Lung (a really evil leopard...but totally cool). So, begins the journey of discovering kungfu and one another. The movie actually conveys a very beautiful message, " In life there is no secret ingredients, it's you who make things special". It's a movie everyone should watch because sometimes we often look for miracles outside not realizing that our uniqueness is already miraculous.

Unexpected Events...

2008-06-13T00:19:00.003+08:00

On Monday (2nd June) morning at about 3.00 am- 4.00 pm, a thief broke into my house. He entered through the back door, came into my room and my mom's room. He ransacked my jewellery boxes...thank God he did not take my bracelet which was together with all the other fake stuffs. We lost some cash and a notebook. This break-in was really weird. I only went to bed around 2.30 a.m. But i could not sleep since i was stressing out thinking about my exam. Somewhere around 3.55 a.m, I felt someone pouring water on me, that woke me up. From my window, i saw a shadow. i quietly left the room to alert my dad. When i opened my room door, i saw a person standing near the window. Outside, all our stuffs were ransacked. By the time we checked there was no one around. He closed all the back door, leaving no trace of entry except the messy stuffs. This was really scary as no one actually woke up. Why would the thief wake me up and wait for me to alert my dad and then leave?Losing materials is a thing,but to know that someone walked into your house and managed to go out without a hassle is very depressing. i kind of grew paranoid, looking over my shoulder all the time hoping to see a shadow. One tends to suspect everyone when your privacy is invaded.
The next incident happened two days later. Some one tried to break-in. So, we had to call the cops. I just so completely hate them!!!

My Home...Yours as Well...

2008-06-01T22:50:00.002+08:00

I came across this video in a blog called Niamah. Absolutely amazing!! This is an effort by the the Malaysian Artistes For Unity. This is like a free contribution from all the parties involved. Their aim is to create a video which trancends races and diversity. Any version of 'Here in My Home'
can be down loaded from www.malaysianartistesforunity.info.

Personally, I truly enjoyed 'Here in My Home'. It reflected my thoughts of a single nation. I have always saw Malaysia as one nation yet with divisions. Many have not accepted the concept of 'Satu Bangsa, Satu Malaysia'. Many of the negative aspects of our country are surfacing nowadays, making many feeling like step-children. Amidst all this, when a genuine efforts spring from the people....it truly brings hope that we can still work the single Malaysian identity. It could be a Malaysia where everyone truly embrace their differences and ultimately celebrate their diversity. A time where we would be known as only Malaysians…living up to the promise ‘Malaysia Truly Asia’.

Let us not be judged by the colour of our skin...but by the content of our character - Martin Luther King

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8Wl3firJQk

A Miracle!!!

2008-05-31T21:06:00.001+08:00

I seriously need it!! My exam is in less than 36 hours... and I have a whole lot of things to cover. I honestly need a miracle. Maybe a whiz who can shapeshift into me and do the test perfectly. I don't know, I don't even feel like learning..Aiyoh, what to do now???

What A Hypocrite!!!

2008-05-29T22:16:00.001+08:00

I know it is not right trash people behind their back, or trash at all...but some hypocrites just beg for this types of treatment. Let me go into the details, I happen to know a bunch of disgusting hypocrites who talk very much about relationship or the right things to do. Hearing them talk makes you believe that they are people with some sense of ethics. But their actions are simply out of selfishness. They trash people not realising that they have a worse attitude. I wonder how can they sleep every night not feeling any sense of guilt. I totally believe that you don't need to be a saviour of mankind, but try not to betray those who have placed their trust in you. I just wish I could tell them that right to their face, but sadly I can't. I have to give them face because they are close to a person who is very important to me. I know that I cannot expect perfection (I understand that more than anyone else...since I am so flawed myself) but a little honesty or integrity in a relationship is not much to ask.

I Can't Wait

2008-05-29T15:13:00.000+08:00

June 11 - my exams end on this day. I swear I might even consider selling my soul to the devil if he could just let time past really fast!!! All these ABC, costing, target pricing, consolidated accounts are making me blurer than ever!!! The more I write about it, the more I feel 'bengang'.
Whateverlah!!! I probably will not blog till this exam ends...:(

Finally....

2008-05-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

After the Public Speaking Finals...someone actually messaged asking me to write about myself. Well she said it was to test my writing style and to assess whether I am suitable to write in stuffs@school. well of course I did a last minute essay and I received no reply for a very long time. So, I concluded that I was not suitable. Then to my utmost surprise, I got an email from the the star lady (I think she is the sub editor or maybe the editor), and she told me that she liked my essay...GOD I was quite happy since I thought it was quite dramatic!! Then she assigned me a topic...Would you rather pursue a qualification that gives a secure future or your heart's desire...(that was the topic I proposed...something close to heart). So now I got to do a piece on it...well I think I better go and learn up my taxation (Exams are in a week)!!! Sree, Mei Yi and Puva are also selected ....

Go to sssleeepp....

2008-05-17T22:05:00.000+08:00

I am dead tired!! Six hour of paper 10 is seriously not pleasant at all!! It is a mystery Ms Goh can actually talk and write at a seriously consistent speed...I gave up following!!!

BEDBEDBEDBED........

I Now Appreciate...

2008-05-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

A solemn day for me. TJ (my senior) collected my phone from the shop. The technician pronounced it DEAD - 'irrecoverable'. This particular disaster took place last week when my phone got wet and I could not switch it on. I thought the battery was dead and decided to charged it...and there it went (Short Circuit)!! My phone was burned!!

I am not much of a phone person. My livelihood does not depend on this little gadget, Boy...was I wrong. Today my dad wanted to contact me to ask me to go home and not wait for him and of course he could not call me...So I waited for him for 3 hours!!! I really miss the convinience of a mobile phone. Seeing my phone in a very bad condition, I felt really sad. It was my phone after all.

So...A Tribute for My Phone (an inanimate object...i know!)

I know that I never cared for you much...you were merely a luxury (or so I thought). But when you are no more around, I miss you. In the back of my mind, I wish I could here you ring once again, receive one more message...just one more. I guess it is true that one never appreciates things when it's available.

Burial of Compassion and Humanity....

2008-05-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

I was eating Pizza when I changed the channel to CNN. What I saw was so devastating that I stopped eating. The effects of cyclone Nargis left the already oppressed people of Myanmar in a worst situation. Homeless, starvation, diseases, losing their loved one and worst of all a government who does not care. It is utterly disgusting that their military ruler still block away the international aids pouring in, allowing only little help. Reports also show that help given to the people are being used by the Myanmar soldiers themselves. Dead bodies are left rotting without proper burial. Sadness apart, i felt angry that these so called leaders have buried all sense of compassion, humanity and morality for their own selfish agenda. Let's just hope the cyclone Nargis victims will hang on to some flick of hope and come through. We on the other hand can only pray for them.

My First Post...on a NOT so good week!!!

2008-05-14T17:43:00.000+08:00

well, my first post on a seriously horrible week. I have got less than 17 days to my exams (I am NOT prepared) at all!!! GOD has to help me!! Apart from that, I am in a dilemma whether I have made the right choice in life. I don't want to be an auditor or an accountant (I wonder why am I doing ACCA)...but i really enjoy my course. i want to work in a job which deals human element- financial planning perhaps. But, I wish I could do something related to politics or journalism...or perhaps a professional public speaker, that thought snaked it's way through after the Star's Public Speaking Finals. All this is really confusing...but none is gonna help me score in my papers in June!!!